Coasting

This past year I’ve done very little with my life.

I’ve befriended some great people but keep everyone at an arm’s length distance and spent a lot of time on the internet and a lot of time with my own thoughts, indecisive as ever.

I’m on the verge of failing two impossibly difficult Accounting classes and struggling to fully commit to something challenging when everything in my life has come so naturally to me.  Hard work is so foreign.  I’ve never had to study as much as I am now, nor have I ever felt as completely incompetent.  I’m embarrassed that a few test scores can do so much damage to my self confidence.

After a week of soul searching, I’m ready to do something big, new, and challenging.  I’ve been hesitant for far too long and I’d be stupid to pass up the job opportunities that come along with an Accounting degree just because a few classes are testing my mentality.  I might end up graduating late and having to retake a class or two but I’m going to get it done.  I’d hate to be someone that gets weeded out of the class that is designed to make you doubt yourself and your intelligence.  I know I’m better than that.  We all are.

I’m also sick of avoiding people out of fear of getting hurt.  I was recently asked out and said yes.  I’m dating a French Canadian which entirely new.  French.  Weird.  I’m going to say yes to more things and that’s that.  Short and sweet post to commit myself to things that scare me.  Good old Saint Cloud, Minnesota has a lot to offer and I need to stop pretending like it doesn’t.

Go out there and do what scares you.

For the Introverts

Naturally, no one is defined by one word.  Introverts come in varying extremes and aren’t as easily figured out as you’d like to imagine – some are spontaneous, some are shockingly quiet, some actually enjoy people, and some need more time alone than others.  Most people know we simply need to harness a little energy via solitude.

My Experience

Personally, alone time has always been crucial.  I’m notorious for disappearing from groups, running/walking/rollerblading alone, and always opting for a solo presentation when given the choice of having a group.  The more I grow and understand myself, the more introverted I become.  Maybe I’ve just reached a point of being comfortable with myself.  I read more, write, travel alone, listen to more soothing music, sleep longer, and can be alone with my thoughts for more than a few minutes.  I never thought I’d survive my entire sophomore year in college without a roommate but here I am.

Plot twist: I’m not shy.  With my batteries charged, I can be a social butterfly.  I actually love meeting new people and learning about them.  However, with a low battery, I’m downright mean to people I care about and apathetic about small talk with strangers.  Too much social interaction is draining and eventually I need to be alone.

I do, however, enjoy going to coffee shops, libraries, walking around a new city, and even taking public transportation.  Interaction drains me, not the presence of others.  I like seeing other people, but I prefer feeling anonymous.

The moments I live for

Two days in Chicago

 
– Eating baby squid and stir fried veggies at restaurant in Chinatown

– “Hey miss, can I play rap for you?” The stumbling man asked as I laughed and clung to my cousin.  No.

 
– Hostel wall decorations and meeting the Australian and German women in my room

– Asking DQ if they sell coffee at 9pm on a Sunday.  They don’t.  It was a rough night

– THE BEAN (obviously). This guy was lovin’ it

– My cousin calling his mom to tell her he got a job offer as a stylist

 
– Watching the Black Hawks take the Stanley Cup in Gino’s Sports Bar while stuffing my face with deep dish pizza like the American I am

– Sipping coffee in the hostel breakfast lounge while listening to Spanish conversations and watching the train

– “Can I sit here?” The Russian asks as he positions himself across from me and talks about his country and PHD studies

 

– The pier

– Cultural differences

– Wading through the freezing waters of Lake Michigan in 92 degree weather

 
– The glow of the city at night

What’s your greatest weakness?

That dreaded interview question made me do a little thinking.  

I procrastinate
Who doesn’t?  I make up for it with record breaking productivity the night before something is due.  Plus, there’s a difference between active and passive procrastination and for that I urge you to skim “Why procrastination is good for you” by the Smithsonian.

I’m riddled with self doubt
Making me so appreciative when bosses/coworkers/friends have faith in my abilities.  I’m also able to be more personable with customers when I admit “It’s my first week here.  Let me put you on hold and find someone who can better answer your question, okay?”

I’m hesitant to fully commit to anything
Allowing me to constantly try new things, meet new people, and multitask.  I keep my eggs in multiple baskets.

I mumble to myself
Sorry, it helps me remember things and sort my thoughts.

I get antsy when I feel my life is too stationary
Meaning I will be the first employee to snatch international work when others are nervous about change or being stationed abroad.  I like to keep things moving and I will happily step out of my comfort zone.

The list goes on but the morals of the story (amongst other clichés) are:

1) Embrace what defines you
2) No one is perfect

Don’t be normal

Every day I observe a slim, timid classmate enter the room, always sporting a neutral outfit which nearly camouflages her into the seat.  With stick straight hair and perfectly applied makeup, she never speaks a word, leaves promptly after lecture, and follows the same routine when packing her backpack.  She is submissive but by definition she is normal.  I don’t like the word “normal”.  With nearly 7 billion people in the world, I don’t believe anyone is truly normal nor that anyone should be.

In fact, change has only ever progressed with unique minds.  Einstein grew up struggling to speak, failed a university entrance exam, and was believed to be insane.  Yet, he revolutionized physics.  What if he had succumbed to normality?  The unconventional ideas of Alexander Graham Bell, Walt Disney, Shakespeare and Steve Jobs made history. Please don’t suppress your unconventional ideas.  Be less normal.  Speak your mind, take a risk, and stand up for something.  It could change the world.

11 reasons to be single

1) You don’t have to buy presents

2) That entire pizza is all yours, don’t even bother with a plate

3) More time to focus on your friends and family

4) That entire blanket is yours too, no cold feet!

5) Taking hours to respond to texts isn’t the end of the world

6) Extra time for a new hobby (mine is writing, apparently)

7) Pick a tv show you want to watch without compromising

8) You don’t have to reassure anyone about their insecurities

9) Hot lingerie? Forget about it, cotton everything

10) Skip that shower if you feel like it

Finally, number 11, you can embrace change.  You can grow, meet new friends, form new opinions, and make spontaneous decisions.  Allow yourself to be molded by people, books, music, and the world.  Some of the strongest, bravest, most amazing, and most intelligent people I know are single.  Work on yourself, not others.  Don’t let anyone (not even you) make validation from a partner your number one priority.  Everyone will tell you the opposite of this.  Search “being single” and Google mockingly finishes your sentence with the word “sucks”.  Societal pressures are outrageous; my friends are turning into moms, wives, or so obsessed their significant others that they are failing classes.  Don’t be that person.  There’s more to life than your boyfriend/girlfriend.  Honestly, I’ve cared way too much about having a man in my life for a long time.  Now, I’m starting over:  Let’s do something different.  Chase dreams, not people.

Winding Down

We’ve all had nights where out minds won’t allow us to sleep. Tonight is that night.
My friends are all fleeing St. Cloud for college and I’m starting to realize how stationary my life will be for awhile. Many asked if I would’ve liked to stay in Spain all year but I couldn’t have been away that long and I’m excited to buckle down on classes, save some money and get serious about my future.

Most people don’t believe this. According to my friend “Everything else will just be boring for you.” and my aunt “It’s all down hill from here.” So reassuring.

I’m more happy it happened than sad it ended.

Plus, I think one semester was all I (or my parents) could handle. They saved my voicemail from Venice.
A little down time can’t hurt.
Europe withdrawal has been surprisingly manageable so far thanks to facebook chat. I’m also constantly seeing friendly faces who welcome me home. When I start flipping through pictures I try to force it out of my mind and move on to the next goal. Reminiscing is great but I don’t want to live in the past or lose sight of positive aspects in the present. Classes start in 4 days and I can confidently say I’m ready for the future, whatever that may bring.

Getting comfy

Classes have been a reality check and I’ve been busy with college things recently. If you’re curious, I’m taking:
SPN 3104 Spanish Literature
SPN 3105 Heritage and Culture of Spain
ECN 3238 Economy of Europe
SPN 3236 Phonetics of the Spanish language
All taught in Spanish, all essays and tests in Spanish. Seems daunting considering I’m one of two sophomores and have close to the least experience out of the bunch. But who doesn’t have it rough, right?  Shout out to my premed friends.

Here are some interesting cultural points I haven’t yet divulged:
1) Passports are your form of identification(not a driver’s license) and must be on you at all times.
2) Phone numbers here have one fewer digit than ours back home.
3) A majority of the intersections are roundabouts. So much faster.
4) Ham, queso and coffee are the 3 most loved food groups and apparently go with everything.

On to the fun stuff. In addition to my trips I’ve already planned, I bought my flight to Switzerland for the weekend of Oct 12-14 to go HIKING IN THE ALPS!  I was a bit skeptical when my friends were booking it but after doing some research it looks amazing.  Here’s a picture of our hotel:)

Yesterday my intercambios were nice enough to let me and a friend crash their party, get me free drinks because they knew the bar tenders, and drive me home.  “Intercambios” are native Spaniards who want to learn english, so you help them with conversation and grammatical pointers while they help you with spanish. I even met two of their friends who want to practice their english with me as well.

An unforgettable experience with incredible people.  The party lasted 10 hours, these Spaniards don’t mess around.  Even though I’m having a blast getting to know others, I just realized it’s been almost a month since I’ve seen a familiar face.  Starting to get a bit homesick, but pushing through it as much as I can.  Not to forget all you great people, just to make the best of my time here:) That’s all for now folks, sending my love from across the globe!

In love

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🙂 AHHH! Well, I’ve been through my first week of classes and I’m in the process of finalizing my schedule.  With studies ranging from the Economy of Europe to Phonetics of the Spanish Language, I might have my hands full.  But, I’m excited to learn even more about this culture and others it influences.  Here in Toledo I picked up a few souvenirs, my 3rd pair of red heels (couldn’t help myself), visited the river with friends and ate at a churro factory.  Later, we had an “intercambio” meeting in the Fundación to meet Spaniards.  Today I got a text from the 29 year old firefighter we met, no big.  Friday we went to Madrid for a bus tour and a self guided walking tour.  I can’t say we got lost, because we were exactly where we needed to be – exploring the beautiful capital of Spain.  But we did end up searching for the hostel for two hours.  Shout out to Abby Rice, thanks again for letting us sneak in!  We also visited a ham museum and Al Palacio Real where the throne room and dining hall were absolutely breathtaking.  As noted in Facebook, I had an unforgettable night in Madrid meeting people from all over Europe and partying until 6am.  From there, I took the bus back at 8:30am and slept all of Saturday.  Sunday morning (today) I went to a bull run/fight with my host dad and Maggie, ate an incredible seafood lunch and returned to the pueblo where the bull fight was for more festivities.  First we watched a Fútbol game, where my host Dad’s team won, then we saw a religious festival.  I have a newfound appreciation for Christianity, night life, Fútbol, bull fights, fresh mariscos (seafood) and everything here.  I am truly immersed in the culture now and so glad I have such an inviting host family.  My spanish is improving immensely; so much so that I had a conversation with a stranger at the bus stop earlier this week.  I also had my first skype with my whole family and introduced them to Juani, my host mom.  Translating the conversation was a bit strange but my dad whipped out a few phrases he remembered.  Tonight I met a brother and a sister from Spain who are trying to learn English, so after a hardcore Spanglish sesh, we exchanged numbers too.  I know 5 natives outside of my family!!  Not bad for only being here 11 days.  🙂 Hasta luego mis amigas ❤  I am having the time of my life, but I won’t forget my home.  Thanks for reading!